I’d like to preface this post by saying I’m not pregnant nor do I have plans to be anytime in the near future. That being said I am missing being pregnant so bad right now. Maybe it’s because it was this time of year when I first felt those little tiny flutters of life growing inside of me. Those tiny little flutters that grew into kicks and twists and turns and somersaults and hiccups. ..oh so very many hiccups. It was this time of year that I would think of that little boy in my belly and dream of his face and imagine how he would talk and wonder how it would feel to be a mom. I miss it all so very much. It was the most breathtaking, life changing, and most spiritual and deeply intimate thing I’ve ever experienced. I have never felt more alive, more at peace or closer to God than I did in those 9 months. It was so very precious and such a wonderful gift. I am forever grateful that I got to experience it even just once in my life and one day, not now, but one day I hope I’ll be lucky enough to go through it all over again. So for now I’ll be content to feel the crisp cool air and hear the leaves noisily rustling in the trees and close my eyes and go back to that fall not so very long ago. That fall when I knew my little boy before anyone else did, that fall when my baby would softly nudge me and I’d smile softly with our little secret. That fall when with every nudge and every kick I fell harder and harder for that little boy that would forever change my life, myself and everything I had ever hoped to be. That fall.