Getting Some Of It Right…..I Think

• Posted onAli J.
• in All Things Dexter
• onNovember 5, 2014
• No Comments.

So this week hasn’t been our greatest. The time change has really thrown us for a loop. Last year it didn’t seem to phase Dex at all but this year has been a different story. Naps have been close to nonexistent and he’s been getting up TWO hours earlier than usual. To be fair I shouldn’t blame it all on DST. He is currently cutting top and bottom molars and one set of canines. All at once! Daddy also had to leave all week on business…… so yeah… this week has been far from ideal. Most of yesterday was spent in tears. It was one of those days that knocks the wind out of you as a parent and leaves you feeling defeated. It was one of those days that made me feel the same way I felt that first time the nurses left us alone in that hospital room only hours after becoming a parent. I thought “Wait…that’s it? This can’t be legal, I have no clue what we are doing. Come back!!!! We aren’t ready! They will check on us right? Is it safe for me to even go to sleep?” That first night came and went and we survived. Not only that but we found ourselves surprised at just how natural it all came. A few short days later and I just knew I was always meant to be a mother. I’d never felt more at home in my own skin. I still remember that day I sat gazing at my little newborns face and holding him close and feeling that surge of motherly love and felt in my heart that this…THIS is what I was meant to be, meant to do…..and then there are days like yesterday. They trick you into forgetting that you know anything about parenting and leave you feeling as lost and overwhelmed as those first few hours. It never fails though, when I am at the very bottom something always happens to let me know that it is all going to be ok. Tonight that something was my son wrapping his arms around my neck and giving me the sweetest kiss before he laid his cheek on mine and fell fast asleep. Sitting there with him in my arms I again was overwhelmed by how he loves me. How he trusts and finds safety in my arms. His security takes away all of my insecurities and while his is a love I’ll never feel I deserve, moments like that make me feel that at the very least I must be getting some of it right.